Sorry words
by pinkdreamcloud
Summary: As their lips were sealed together, his heart seemed to move a little. Not of anxiety. Not of nervousness. But, because of love. Finally, he had found someone who accepted him and his flaws. [WARNING; This story might involve disorders and forms of depression. Read on your own risk.]
1. Alone

The sound of the wind caused the Latino guy to shudder and move his slim hands over his arms repeatedly.  
He scanned the empty field they were standing on; the daisies had been growing like crazy, since the last time he was here.  
He noticed Calypso, staring at the evening sky full of little diamonds, called stars.  
His light brown lips moved, as he softly spoke out the words; 'Are you cold?'  
The girl's dark almond eyes were hard to read, but you could tell they were full of several emotions.  
'No, I'm fine.' She replied and forced a smile on her face.  
The guy lifted an eyebrow, 'Caly, sunshine, are you okay?' He whispered while lifting the chin of his lover gently.  
She felt uncomfortable, by him touching her like this.  
No, she didn't feel harassed, the touch made the guilt spread through her body like a potion.  
'Uhm, yeah...'  
'Are you sure?' The guy's voice was full of worry because all he wanted was the girl to be happy. 'You know I love you right?"  
That was the last drop; the girl pulled the guy away in panic.  
'Leo, no, don't say that!' She says.  
The guy looked down. 'I'm sorry; I thought that after I've got you off Ogyia, it would be proper to say it...'  
'Don't just listen to me...' She strokes her caramel hair behind her ear and takes a deep breath before saying; 'It's so hard to say this, but I... I have never loved you.'

His eyes widen and he sat up directly, feeling the wetness on his cheeks.  
A rain of pain had followed him, even in his dreams.  
'So, I've drifted asleep...' He said quietly and looked around in his dark bunk while wiping his face dry.  
The dark place, made him feel comfortable.  
Leo was unseen, unnoticed, uncared for.  
And this place looked exactly like that.  
His heart was an empty hole ever since Calypso had left him. He had this empty feeling in his chest like he was a ghost.  
Yes, a ghost; dead, looked trough, ignored.

The ticking of the clock, hanging in his bunk got Leo's attention.  
 _Tick, Tick, Tick._  
It was like a heartbeat, every beat, every movement of the clock is a movement in the world.  
That time people could be dying, and when someone's dying, nobody should be happy.  
And if someone would be happy, it wouldn't be Leo.

He took a deep breath and went to the bathroom, ignoring his siblings whom were all staring at him.  
His blonde sister patted his shoulder. 'Leo?'  
The worry in her voice, A sound Leo would rather avoid.  
He turned to her, ready to use his mask. 'Yeah, what's up?'  
'Are you okay?'  
He forced himself to grin. 'Of course, your bro, bad boy supreme is always okay, why wouldn't I be?'  
'Oh, I was just wondering.' She said  
Again this worry. He _hated_ it.  
Who was he to make people worry about _him?_ Nobody. He's nobody. He didn't have the right to make people actual care about him, what he did was such a selfish deed.  
He had to pretend harder, nobody could feel pity for him.  
 _Not even himself._

'No, I'm fine, you know, just tired lately and I'm trying to do a new project with mechanics, so that's what keeps me busy.' He really did his best to sound, optimistic this time.  
'Can I give it a look? And is it something with cannons?' Nyssa asked, sounding curious.  
She believed him.  
'Nah, it's a secret project for sure.' He acted fake mysterious and then continued walking to the bathroom.

As soon as he was in there he locked the door to look at his reflection.  
He noticed his curls, his nose and mouth had stayed the same, since the last time he looked into the mirror.  
His hand moved to touch the reflection, hoping for some warmth, but of course, he only felt the cold surface.  
His eyes had become sadder, his face and body had become even skinnier.  
Dark circles were formed under his eyes, sleepless nights.

Leo hated sleeping.  
The dreams of a demigod were always terrible, but now that he kept on dreaming about how people have left him, he hated it more than ever.  
He washed his face, enjoying the feeling of warm water washing away his worries.  
Just for a moment, he felt calm, but as soon as the water was gone, so was the feeling.  
He stared at his reflection, once again.

All he was, was broken glass. Thrown to the floor, he was never meant to last.

He sighed, seeing himself in a state like this, annoyed him.  
He was weak, such a weakling, thinking his life is terrible while there are people that have been through so much more.  
He was selfish; trying to take the rest other people deserved more.  
He didn't deserve death.

He deserved a pain, keeping him still like an anchor.  
There should be a reason, why all of his formal friends were happy, in relationships, while he was nothing but a piece of trash.

He sighed, trying to focus, but he could only keep thinking about the fact he was fire.

 _Fire; he burned and hurt the ones that got too close to him._

Fire; _it'll extinguish._

Just like Leo would.  
One day, he'll be extinguished.

And death would be his blessing.

He heard a few knocks, followed by a women's voice calling his name;

'Leo?'

He didn't reply. He didn't want to go outside today, just to pretend he's happy.

He wasn't happy at all; he was a living mistake, that needed to be erased from both life and death.

'Leo?'

Again the voice.

For a moment he imagined his mother, gasping for air, and calling out her son's name...

He started at his arms, gasping as they lit up.

What a cruel person he was, it was his fault.

His mother died because of _him._

The fire seemed to burn in and he began to hyperventilate.

' _Sorry..._ ' he whispered between breaths as he curled himself up in a ball.

 _'I'm sorry, mom.'_

'Leo, what's going on?'

He could finally place the voice, it was Piper's.

'N-nothing...' he stammered out.

The pain is his voice was too awful for Piper.

'Open the door!' She ordered.

Leo's head and body wanted to obey but he turned weak...

Ending up, laying in the dark, alone.


	2. Devil

It was the day of the funeral, young Leo Valdez was standing by the side, watching his mother, or let's say, everything that was left of her, getting burried.

The four years old boy had red, teary eyes and an uncontrollable sob. His eyes felt like a grey cloud and his tanned cheeks seemed to be the earth the water landed on, soaked.

'Mommy..' he would mutter once in a while as he held on to the tiny screwdriver in his hand. It was everything that was left of the repair shop.

The screwdrivers' structure felt trustworthy for the little boy and seemed to be his only moral support.

Leo looked up at the quiet women who would take care of him from now on, his aunt.

Her brown hair was tied in a bun and her skinny body seemed to be covered by a black dress made out of a soft material.

The women looked incredibly broken, like shattered pieces of glass on the ground. But so did Leo.

He, also, had been trough a lot for his age already, but every time he said something like that the skinny women would reply with cruel things.

'It's all your fault!' Was one of the things she had yelled at him the other day, while roughly pushing a chair away from the place Leo was hiding.

'You're the devil, you deserve to be in pain.' Was the sentence that followed.

And she was right, she had always been right. Leo was the devil, a cruel sadist that had to hurt no matter what.

He killed such a blessing to the world, his precious, hardworking mother, Esperanza.

If there was anything Leo learned from his experience of being alive, it was that dead is all you wish for.

He was one of the ungrateful monsters in the world, begging for dead, while he was blessed with life itself.

His thoughts turned black again, and for a second he felt peaceful.

No pain, no tragedy, everything seemed fine. He wondered if dead was the same, but he didn't find out.

Instead, the last few seconds of Leo, passing out in the bathroom were repeating itself in his thoughts.

How easily did peace become war?

Just within a second he felt like his old, disgusting self again.

'Is he going to be okay?' The voice of his first friend filled his ears.

Piper?

'He will, he just passed out because he hasn't eaten in days. I think he's anorexic.' Was the reply.

Fuck, Leo thought. They caught me.

Leo sighed, not wanting anyone to know about his eating disorder.

It was a very complicated thing, he really didn't want to explain to his former 'friends'.

Yes, 'friends', fakes.

His friends were just people who talk to the people they disgust them the least, but he didn't blame them.

Everyone was that way.

In a world as cruel as his, nobody seemed to notice reality.

Everyone seemed to be a living fake, trying to pass the test that was build out for us.

Actions decide who people become.

Just like the death of Leo's mom, decided he was lost.

Leo opened his warm brown eyes that always seemed to have a slight hint of red and blinked a couple of times, just to stop the blurry look in front of his eyes.

If his eyes wouldnt have warm collors, would people see the coldness inside?

The little boy from years ago?

Mijo?

'Leo?' Piper exclaimed and embraced Leo

She held him and didn't let go until Leo replied.

'You missed me that much, beauty queen?' He said as he faced his first friend, ever.

'I was so worried about you! Seriously Leo, this isn't okay!' She demanded.

He shrugged, knowing his mask wasn't covering the mess he was anymore.

His scarred soul was out in the open and that made him feel uncomfortable.

It felt like he had gotten salt in his cuts. The burning pain going trough his veins... he could imagine it all.

Thinking about that, Leo turned to Piper, who had been talking to him on on mad motherly tone ever since he started thinking.

'This is a serious problem!' The beautiful girl said with a frown, her light brown hair hang on her shoulders loosely.

Her, at this moment, blue eyes, whom looked clearer then the sky on a summer day, seemed to see right through him.

'Leo..' She said again, softly this time, but he didn't let her finish.

Instead, he stood up from the bed, that felt softer then the softest clouds, and forced his usual grin on his face.

'Pipes, I'm alright, see?' He flexed his unhealthy skinny arms. 'I'm still incredibly hot!' A forced laugh followed out of the guys mouth.

The laugh didn't matter, Piper's worry didn't seem to disappear, but she did at least try to smile. 'Let's get you something to eat, to get you back on track.'

Leo gulped, food.

Something he wanted less then anything at this moment.

The different flavors and structure, he just didn't seem to like it.

(A/N: No offense people who are a lightweight or people who weigh a bit more, it's just the depression, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable with the overweight/lightweight thing! - LSM)

Perhaps, it made the guy ugly.

Fat, they called it.

He didn't want to be 'fat', he would rather be skinny and handsome.

But he wasn't.

He was none of that.

Leo snapped out of his thoughts as he walked into rhe cafeteria, feeling all eyes burning in his back like a thousand stabs.

How many demigods knew already? The whole camp?

The awkward feeling he got from their looks seemed to have taken over his body within a second.

'Are you getting yourself something, or do I've to?' Asked Piper as she got Leo a plate.

'No, I'll get myself.' He replied simply as he got nothing but some water and an apple on his plate.

Piper sighed and opened her mouth to say soemthing, but closed it as soon as her lover walked over.

Jason.

Leo admired the guy so much, his posture was evreything Leo ever wanted.

The girls seemed to be aware of him too, plus, he was a good guy with a heart more pure then that of an angel.

A true hero.

Leo wasn't a hero, but he was himself.

Not that he liked it much...

After a while he sat down at his cabin table, next to his sister, Nyssa.

She shot a look at Leo's plate, but didn't say anything.

Her facial expression already said enough, Poor guy.

'Hm? What's up? Want a bite?' He asked the blonde.

She just shrugged if off. 'No..'

Of course Leo pretended to be happy during the whole dinner time.

He pretended he was an angel, while he clearly was the devil.

After a while Leo still had the weird feeling somebody was looking at him, so he shot a look over his shoulder and met a pair of eyes.

It had no amazing description, no perfection, they were just a simple tone of brown, but those eyes got something.

Something beautiful.


End file.
